Gingrich: Ghost of Reagan endorsed me

In a move many are chalking up to desperation, Newt Gingrich claimed March 22 that the ghost of late President Ronald Reagan endorsed him in the 2012 Republican Primary.

“I was visited by the Gipper in a dream last night, and he said ‘Newt, I think you’re the one,’” Gingrich said to a nearly empty room during a campaign stop in Louisiana. “He even autographed some copies of my book ‘Rediscovering God in America,’ which features photography work by my third wife Callista.”

The former Speaker of the House, who some allege is continuing his campaign solely out of ego, said the Reagan-signed books are selling for $50, while the edition signed by Gingrich alone cost $150.

The Republican presidential candidates have courted Reagan, the last Republican any American liked, heavily. But Reagan’s ghost has remained quiet throughout the primary process.

Frontrunner Mitt Romney said he was skeptical of Newt’s claim of Reagan’s endorsement.

“Reagan was an actor before he was a politician, and I’m handsome, so if his ghost was going to endorse anyone, it would be me,” the former Massachusetts Governor said.

Soon after making the comments, Romney spoke to a group of unattractive supporters in Louisiana who called themselves “Mutants for Mitt.” He retracted part of his earlier statement.

“I jut like y’all,” Romney said with an obviously fake Cajun brogue. “I’s not purty, I’s ugly too.”

Rick Santorum, who hopes to score enough second-place finishes to win the Republican nomination, said there is no such thing as the ghost of Reagan.

“Saying there’s a ghost of President Reagan means that President Reagan’s not in Heaven,” he said. “Newt’s lying. In my book that’s blasphemy.”

Santorum added Jesus recently endorsed him.

Attempts to make contact with the ghost of Reagan via Ouija Board were unanswered.