Reporter Doodles 2

As many of my peers in journalism would tell you, we have to cover a lot of meetings. It is not uncommon for these meetings to be excruciatingly boring at times. It's at these times that I do my best work. I call them...

REPORTER DOODLES.

Click to enlarge

Art critic Giovanni Lista (a real person) said this about this piece: "The artist was not afraid to bare his soul while creating this beautiful piece. The dimensions, attention to detail and truly courageous way Tim Barnum speaks from his heart with his ink pen are rare today. Quite frankly, it's the shiznit."

Lista and other critics consider this Modernism, but while drawing it, I felt it was more akin to great works in the Romanticism movement.

Let me talk you through it:

1. This is a spider web, with a big spider hanging from it.

2. Here, we show a man who can't seem to catch a break. Art buyers have called this drawing on the whole piece heart-wrenching. This fellow, known in classical art as a "stick figure" is on a overturned boat. A whale is waiting to eat him and birds are pooping on his head. I'm immature.

3. Notice the dimensions in the landscape outside of this two-story run-of-the mill suburb home. The tree is in the foreground, whilst the shrub is in the background. This drawing shows the diluted America dream, portrayed via a non-impressive house with average adornments.

4. Interpretation. What do you see? Is it a baby with three strands of hair on its head and one tooth, or is it a redneck with three strands of hair on his head and one tooth? Neither answer is correct. Yet, neither answer is wrong. There is only a head, the rest of the context of the man (or is it a baby girl?) is up to the viewer.

5. I got sick of drawing slashes, x's and little check marks. So I drew a big check mark.

6. Americana at its finest. A can of beer is American as (insert cliche "All-American" thing).

Many people have inquired about purchasing this piece. However, I feel you can't put a price on art. 

I'll take $200.

Reporter doodles #1

As many of my peers in journalism would tell you, we have to cover a lot of meetings. It is not uncommon for these meetings to be excruciatingly boring at times. It's at these times that I do my best work. I call them...

REPORTER DOODLES.

Click for a larger view

This is the first piece in my collection of fine artwork known as reporter doodles. It was drawn Monday, July 16 using a red Bic ink pen. Many critics consider it minimalism, but I personally feel it has characteristics more in-line with the neo-expressionism movement. Let me walk you through it using the numbered items on the drawing.

1. This is a big ass musical note, an eighth note, if I remember correctly. I think I started drawing something else, and it looked dumb, so I scribbled over it and drew this note.

2. The second item in this piece of work is a man with a mullet. I also drew him throwing up some metal horns with his right hand. If you look closely at his legs, you'll notice he's wearing cutoff shorts.

3. What are these things called? Everybody has drawn at least one of these in their lifetime.

4. Breaking up the monotony of this picture is a handwritten observation. It reads "Two dudes in tank tops who've never been @ a meeting decided they could talk whenever they wanted."

5. Handguns are my go-to drawing. For some reason, This one was a massive flame coming out of the barrel. 

This piece is for sale. I'm asking $300. If you're interested, send an e-mail to barnumcomedy@gmail.com. 

Things I should’ve done by now

As you can tell if you check on this blog periodically or subscribe to my YouTube channel, it’s been awhile since I’ve made a video. Because you were good enough to read this blog entry, I’m going to share with you some videos that I was really hoping to have recorded by now.

Unfortunately, I haven’t even written them yet. Even though I’ve been telling myself I’m going to at least write them for at least three weeks now.

So here’s some videos you should be seeing in the “near future,” a term I believe is ambiguous enough to cover my ass in case these videos aren’t made by the end of this month.

1. Zombie vlog: OK I bought a bunch of shit — a zombie makeup kit, fake blood, severed body parts — for this, and was hoping to get some mileage out of all the stuff I bought. I envisioned all sorts of antics with the zombie stuff. But here I am, telling you I haven’t even written the first script for the first video. By the way, a vlog is a video blog. Just imagine all the hilarity that could ensue from me dressed as a zombie sharing random details of my day with you. You’re laughing to yourself, aren’t you?

2. Words With Friends Game Show: I’ve had this one in the brain chamber for almost three months now. I would host “The only game show based on your favorite smart phone app.” This is sure to be an Internet classic. It will happen.

3. Hanging Out With An A-Hole: This one was really excited to me. Have you noticed today that there’s some weird trend where the more of a negative douchey hater they a person is, the cooler they are perceived to be? In this video, I would play a person who is stubborn, impossible to please, and, worst of all, not shy about voicing his displeasure about everything. Of course the character would be over the top, but you’ve met these people. They’re easy to identify. If they’re uneducated, they think everything is “gay.” If they’re educated, they put everything down while exhausting their vocabulary at the same time. Either way, these people are viruses. Avoid them if at all possible. If you must be in their company, wear one of those Chinese SARS masks.

By the way, whatever happened to SARS? I can’t even remember what the hell it was. Now I’m going to stop writing to go look up what it was and why we never hear about it anymore. Speaking of SARS, remember swine flu? That was a fun epidemic…

Playing catch up

I must admit, it's been awhile since I've given this blog the attention it deserves. Anyways, above is the last video I made, my second "Ya Heard the News?" video. In the first one, you may remember me portraying a 1940s newspaper reporter. Episode two saw me fast forwarding a decade to the 1950s and playing a greaser (Think Tom Cruise in "The Outsiders." I felt like the denim vest made me look almost identical to him). I think I posted it to YouTube in early June.

I need to make a new video.

But I haven't been completely stagnant, or dormant, whichever word is more appropriate. I've been pretty busy with the #WorstFriends podcast, and trying to figure out how the piss to get it on iTunes. At least I was trying to figure that out. I kind of gave up. My co-host Colin and I will likely be switching to a real hosting site in the near future, which will cost money, but will give us an iTunes-ready RSS feed. We are also getting some guests lined up, and you may be surprised at who they are! They are legitimate famous (at least semi-famous) people!

Hopefully some time this month I will get my shit together and make a new video. I've been busy moving and summer time at the newspaper is extra busy. But writing anything is a good first step, and I am doing that right now. So that's a step in the right direction. I have written a few columns here and there at the newspaper. The latest one can be read here. It's about beer for dogs. Enjoy.

Talk to ya soon. XOXO. Live long and prosper. That'll do pig.