#hotresort
I can’t be the only person who enjoys watching those corny 80s movies like the Mark Harmon as a cool guy vehicle-“Summer School” or the cheesy dance flick “Breakin’.”
These movies are generally bad. But they offer a couple of laughable one-liners. Plus, the “badness” of the films also adds to the level of humor.
Am I making sense so far?
Anyway, I stumbled across one last night that sounded like it fit the mold of the “so bad it’s funny” 80s movie — Hot Resort.
The info described it as a slobs versus snobs comedy (think “Animal House” or “Revenge of the Nerds”) set on an island resort. The slobs in the film were the crew of hotel workers, who were all at the resort to earn money for college. The snobs were a collegiate rowing crew that, for some ungodly reason, was sailed to an island to shoot a soup commercial.
I don’t want to sound like a sarcastic prick here, but why would a commercial have to be shot at an island? Couldn’t they have shot this in any body of water?
In the movie, some New Yorker named Marty Sullivan, played by an actor I never heard of, led the slobs. The crew included a New Yorker named Brad, played by Bronson Pinchot — Balki from “Perfect Strangers.” A third member that I recognized was the token fatty, Chuck, who was played by the fat guy from “Head of the Class.”
I had to use IMDB for the last one.
The fourth and final slob was the token nerd. Other hotel workers, none of whom had a speaking role or any development to their characters, joined them.
The snobs were the typical 80s frat-house douches who talked with one of those high-class accents made famous by Grey Poupon commercials.
Of course, there were plenty of ladies at the resort. Wouldn’t you know the slobs and snobs were all after the same ones?
Some other characters that should be mentioned are the big, military-style black guy who was apparently hired just to whip the resort crew into shape and keep them out of trouble; and Stephen Stucker — the gay, wisecracking hotel assistant, who portrays the same gay, wisecracking dude in “Airplane.”
He was basically the same exact character, and like in “Airplane,” did supply some legitimate laughs.
Oh yeah, Frank Gorshin also has a few cameos. One is kind of funny. He tells the chubby guy how to hit on some hot chick at the pool. I don’t want to go into too much detail. His advice, and the slob putting it into use, does garner some laughter.
But the generic storyline and predictable ending (the slobs have to row off against the snobs for the commercial, and win because the snobs’ boat sinks) aren’t what made the movie bad.
It’s the fact that whoever made this pile of shit didn’t go through the fuckin’ trouble to MAKE SURE THE DAMN BOOM MIC WAS OUT OF THE SHOTS!
Seriously, there are a few scenes that I can clearly remember seeing it plain as day. For instance, one of the rowing guys is in a hotel room next to one of the girls being pursued by all parties. He and one of the girls — Liza French — are leaning over the railing and speaking to each other.
The mic is visible between the two of them for like 30 seconds straight while they converse. Then, after a couple of close-ups, we come back to the shot of both of them, AND IT’S STILL THERE!
It’s one thing to totally mock the whole filmmaking process a la Mel Brooks with Blazing Saddles, but it’s quite another thing to say you’re making a movie that’s not meant to be a spoof, and just let the mic dangle on screen.
There’s another scene where the big black guy is speaking with his boss, the hotel manager or owner (I’m not sure what he was, I just know he was in charge), and again, right above his head, there’s the friggin’ mic. It happens at other times, but these are the instances where I remember it the most vividly.
Now, was this movie worth having re-shoots for these scenes? I don’t know. In the grand scheme of things, it still would’ve been pretty bad. But perhaps it would’ve been so bad it was funny.
Besides the whole microphone on screen issue, there were some other parts that seemed ripe for comedy that totally whiffed. For instance, there’s the awkward moment where the snobs arrive and the slobs have to carry their bags up to their rooms. It’s not long before the slobs start hoisting their bags off the second story. But any witty dialogue or smart physical comedy is missing at this point.
Instead, it’s a bunch of “Oh yeah? Watch this” and “Hey, you can’t do that.” It’s just a bunch of yelling over one another.
The same thing happens when our cast of troublemakers meets the big black guy playing their supervisor. He yells, and they all yell. It’s just a lot of talking over one another.
You would expect at least one cast member to be scripted with some witty lines, such as the case whenever this scenario happens in any military comedy with an intense drill instructor.
But nope. Not in “Hot Resort.” Even some parts that seemed like they were at least loosely organized and written for laughs come up short.
We find out late in the movie that Chuck, the fat guy, has been banging pretty much every woman on staff. Before this, we do see him hook up with a black cleaning lady, who acts as though she needs some help and rips off all her clothes when his back is turned.
I don’t know if it sounded funny when I just typed it up there, but in the film, it just didn’t come off as funny.
We also have a couple hooking up in a VW Beetle, when the guy throws his back out. Apparently, this is supposed to be the same couple that we see earlier in the movie having sex in a limo and in a boat. However, I had no idea it was them, until she says something to him along the lines of “Do you think you can go one more time before the wrecker gets here?” (The top of the car had to be torn off and a crane airlifted the guy out. Again, not as funny as it should’ve been.)
The biggest problem with this whole movie is that it was like 20 minutes into it, the director or producer realized “Wow. This movie is shit” and decided they wouldn’t even try anymore. Whoever was calling the shots was like “Fuck it. We have to sit through this train wreck, so let’s just go ahead and ruin for the few people who might actually find it entertaining, too."
Which is the reason it went from being “so bad it’s funny” to just plain bad. Real bad. We’re talking a shit sandwich here.
But, while “Hot Resort” was probably one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen (I texted my friend Colin “I think im watching the worst movie ever made” during it), I am still thankful for the experience.
Because at the end of the day, I learned something.
People in the 80s thought some dumb shit was entertaining. A movie can be so bad it’s not funny.
And I devoted about 90 minutes to watching it and another 30 blogging about it.
Somehow, I feel like the loser in this situation.
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